not to get wildly specific but you know that feeling of euphoric vindication you get when you’re driving the correct speed and someone is riding your ass trying to intimidate you to go faster and you don’t do it because you don’t believe in living your life recklessly to appease other people so they get in the next lane over so they can speed up in front of you but karma grabs them by the throat and they get stuck behind someone going under the speed limit so they have to drive back behind you because you’re an adequate driver and you know what you’re doing and you can feel the guilt + shame permeating their vehicle as you just continue listening to your music of choice and safely heading towards your destination like lmao i would die for that feeling
My boyfriend talks in his sleep and because he’s bilingual, he says some hilarious/weird/sometimes creepy shit. I ask him every morning if he remembers saying this stuff and he has no idea about any of it.
Here are some of my favorites:
-”Babe, can you please turn down the brightness of your skin” -After stealing all of the blankets: “This is my right as a human” -After I take the blankets back: “I don’t want your freedom, America. Just blanket” -Sometimes he just says “Hello?” as if he’s answering a phone call -One night he just said “Cabbage” which is weird because he doesn’t know the english word for that when he’s awake. -After spooning me: “You have a nice butt” -”Who is that in the corner?” (terrifying) -”Watch out for the red lady” (even more terrifying) -Sometimes he will say things in German and it sounds like he’s speaking Parseltongue -One time I actually think he said something in Parseltongue -One time he talked about buying a ticket to “everywhere” and then just said “hello?” after two minutes of silence -And my all time favorite: ”This is MY yogurt, Satan”
obviously some sloppy fuck left their orange peels on the ground and Hillary Clinton happened to be skating by and slipped on them. Not to hard to understand. She still smilin doe
